There is no difference between insanity and love. Conditional love that is. In both, we are deluded in la la land. We make impulsive and poor decisions; we react disproportionately, our character changes, judgment is clouded and all of our former boundaries are breached – in the internal and external worlds. We are drunk and giddy and vulnerable. And both can be very expensive. In insanity, we bear the costs of medicines, therapies, remedies and lost income, whilst in love we bear the costs of presents, perfume, cars, dinners, holidays … and the obligatory new underwear – none of which, we might really be able to afford. In both, there is another hidden cost to factor, with all those sudden noticeable behavioural changes, our reputation is never more visibly on the line.
In insanity people privately giggle due to their access into a world of hilarity perceived only by them. In love, we outwardly laugh. That scrape on the car is unimportant. The unexpected utility bill not a problem, even the previously irritating old codger next door becomes a ‘come ‘ere you old sod’ conduit of joviality. In both, to others we become disconcerting. At least in insanity, we might predict peoples potential outcomes, whilst in love, someone becomes unpredictably concerning. And for sure there is nothing more eerie than a miserable work colleague of ten years, who never even looked at you let alone spoke, suddenly bounce into the office ‘bright and breezy’, asking how you would like your coffee. Er … quite a lot less shaken maybe? Definitely less dis … stirred. No, I’m good thanks.
In insanity Lucifer’s recruiters make a guest appearance in the beginning of the experience. Tut. In love, they make a guest appearance at the end. But in both, there is a clipboard, a pen and a choice, since this is one of life’s greatest lessons of temptation, taught by the daemon of seduction. A beguiled walk through a baptism of fire, that if one survives, allows us profound personal insight in the depths of who we truly are. Both are a test of the soul and we choose either destruction or creation … or procreation. In any event, they are tricks from the same magic hat. Never give another human or non-human your heart – metaphorically, symbolically or otherwise. Our hearts are ours and only ours to possess. We get one and only one. It inevitably will be broken but just like the proverbial egg, a shell must be broken for an omelette to be made. But there is another much more powerful reason not to give your heart to anyone else, as once you swear allegiance, the Ether takes you at your word and the ending is written in archetypal scripture. A heart is for us to extend from. Not for any others to possess.
We are fools in love and in insanity but to know yourself at those extremes of experience, is to really, in all sense of the word, know who you really are. To me, the test of a character is not to see how high someone can fly, but to see how low they can go and find the strength and the will, when all chips are down, to do the right thing, to stand up again and return. In both we exist at the extremities of our personalities. In the hell of insanity one might use the psychological escape keys to recovery, to biblically recite to the delusion to ‘get behind thee Satan’, or in the words of Nietzsche, a finger-point and a call out in that direction ‘you are a liar, a liar from the heart’. In the throws of love, the much less dramatic but equally effective, very close friend who can see right through our nonsense; who has the benefit of immunity and is able to provide a bucket of ice or a sharp slap across the face, can often do the trick. Or more accurately, can undo it.
Perhaps going in, if we had less of a left field hit, we might choose love over insanity. Given the heady heights of excitement and the rush of oxytocin, not to mention the sudden awakening of hormones that one never knew existed in the Pituitary. All much preferred to the plummets into hell for sure. But just before the jury woddle their way back in, I would like to profer a final observation. That the choice might be the other way around, should we consider the experience of the way out. In insanity, we have the divorce before the honeymoon whilst in love we have the honeymoon before the divorce. At the end of insanity one finds true relief and rebirth. At the end of conditional love one often finds, well … the scissors.
So should we not experience? No, of course we should.
In both we are initiated by the flames of fire.
In both, we surely hear angels.